either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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