Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize