Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the liver wants what the liver wants
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
