I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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