MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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