No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
