Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
