i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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