I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
