And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My balls are so social today.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
