Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
