my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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