Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
