I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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