i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize