when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
