Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize