John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize