I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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