What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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