no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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