yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
