17 year olds will be the death of me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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