i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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