kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
