I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
