That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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