1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
