I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
