So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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