Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
