we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
