bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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