but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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