I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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