He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
