I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
