Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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