google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
