I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
