Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
