Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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