dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
