I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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