the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize