becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
