So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
