This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
