Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize