I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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