Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to align my fucking chakras
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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