Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
