ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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