I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This house was built for laser tag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
