I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
