i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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