we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
