ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
