capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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