Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
