You're my little dorito
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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