well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
