I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
