I love black thongs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
