Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
