the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
