i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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