He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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