you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
