During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
