some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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