i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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