i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
