when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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