people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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