please come you make the beer taste better
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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