Sponge bath it is.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
