Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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