I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
