I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
