I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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