You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Hippo gnu deer
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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