and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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