Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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