I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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