im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
